The deadly sin midlife women need more of

A younger, prouder me.

There’s a quiet theme emerging in my coaching calls with midlife women who know what they want to do but just need a nudge to get going.

It’s largely unnamed, but I can hear it.

It starts on the first call when I invite them to imagine how it would feel to achieve their goals.

And it’s there on the follow-up call when I ask them how it feels to be in action.

It’s an uplifting energy.

But it’s also considered a sin, so it’s sometimes tinged with guilt.

And that makes me so mad.

One example of this is…

A while back I had a follow-up call with a 52yo woman from out west.

When she joined our program, she felt depressed and burnt out. She worked in the family courts and had very little time to exercise. She’d also been through menopause and had put on weight, so was her lifetime highest at 84kg.

She had her initial goal-setting call and then – this is the kicker – got assigned to the 6-month waitlist (control group).

But she thought, stuff it. I’m doing this.

So she signed up to a gym, downloaded the Couch to 5k app, and got going.

On her very first walk/shuffle, she told me, it took her 1 minute to go 100m.

She cried.

But she didn’t pack it in. She kept going.

So that by the time I followed up with her 6 months later…

She was now running three times a week, going to the gym twice a week, and doing her local parkrun - running all the way! She’d also lost 14kg (although we’re not a weight loss program and I never ask about weight).

And the energy I heard in her voice?

Pride.

But get this.

She’d joined her local Toastmasters, inspired by her newfound confidence. And one night she stood up and shared her journey – from burnt out couch potato to parkrunner.

And a woman came up to her afterwards and told her –

“You’re showing off.”

Ooft, that makes my blood boil.

Because she damn well should feel proud of herself for having the courage and determination to step out of her comfort zone, overcome the inertia of previous habits and take consistent actions to becoming a healthier, more confident version of herself.

Because this is not about arrogance or boasting or gloating.

No.

For many of these midlife women, their goals are as simple as walking a few times a week, or starting a class, or doing some strengthening at home.

Their goals are the things that have been rattling around in their minds as a ‘should’ but haven’t quite made it into reality.

And so that feeling of pride?

This is the feeling that comes from small wins.

This the glowing satisfaction that warms you from the inside when you say you’ll do something… and you do it.

This is the self-respect in honouring a promise you’ve made to yourself (and to a coach).

Which is absolutely worth acknowledging – and celebrating – because the biggest barrier that stops midlife women from prioritising their well-being is the fact that they will drop everything to help someone else, but when it comes to doing something for themselves, they hit a massive mental roadblock.

So for the women who succeed in starting and maintaining their healthy habits, they bloody should feel proud of themselves.

Hell, putting your hand up to be coached is worth acknowledging.

And yet…

Why is pride is a deadly sin?

Why are we told to stay humble?

Perhaps it’s an evolutionary throwback to increase survival by ensuring that we stay part of the tribe.

Perhaps it’s from the indoctrination of religious-educational-nationalistic systems that program us into conformity, predictability and obedience. Square pegs. Square holes.

Or perhaps it’s been craftily designed by the Captains of Consumption who know that marketing to women who feel bad about themselves is like drilling a billion-dollar oil well that will never dry up… you just gotta keep ‘em down…

The upshot of all this being that…

If you do ever feel ‘proud’, that pride will be tinged with a hint of guilt that you’re sticking your tall poppy head above the parapet.

Anyway.

Wherever it comes from, I do know one thing…

Developing pride in yourself doesn’t come from thoughts.

And it doesn’t come from seeking the external validation of others.

It comes from setting a goal that’s important to you…

Creating a plan to make it happen…

And then taking consistent actions.

Small steps.

Small wins.

Big shifts.